i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
