the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
