I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
