i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
