I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
