I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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