My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
