What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
