she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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