she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
