I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Vodka?
Forever.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
