Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
vagina is talking i cant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
try to milk me bitch
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