how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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