We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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