i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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