one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
