somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
