Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
