its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
