Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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