i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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