I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
