I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
