I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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