remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
