should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize