Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
