so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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