: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize