you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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