tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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