ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize