Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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