I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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