I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
