At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
