Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
