i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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