You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
