Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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