Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
