I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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