just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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