You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
