i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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