I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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