hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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