every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
