I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
