I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk is not a location!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
