the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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