I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
