People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
