I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
