she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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