I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
