WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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