Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize