i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
