I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
