we have officially lost it.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
