I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize