I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
