HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
