it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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