Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
