I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
