What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
