why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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