My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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