Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
