Nicole vs. Life
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Everyone says I win the strip club
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
