so that wasnt chicken after all
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
