There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
