I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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