listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize